When a loved one suffers a spinal cord injury (SCI), parents often struggle with how to explain it to their children. This blog offers compassionate, practical advice for families (parents, caregivers, siblings) in the first few months after an SCI.
We explain how children of different ages perceive injury and disability, suggest simple, honest ways to describe the SCI, and offer tips to support kids’ emotional reactions like fear or grief. We also cover whether and how children can visit the hospital or help with care tasks, and point readers to additional support – including SpinalCord.com’s Recovery Advocate contact and the SCI Support Group Map – for further guidance.
Children process serious illness or injury very differently at each developmental stage.
Young children (ages 3–6) think in very concrete terms: they may see the injured person as “hurt” or “broken” and might even worry they caused it. They need very simple explanations (for example, “Mommy’s back got hurt and it’s why she needs help walking now”).
School-age children (7–12) can handle more detail and may ask practical questions (“Will Dad ever walk again? Why does he have a tube?”).
Teenagers (13–18) understand more of the medical reality and long-term implications, but they still need honest answers. In all cases, parents should tailor explanations to the child’s age and maturity – being calm, factual, and straightforward.
Kids are often more perceptive than adults expect, so avoid “talking down” to them; answer only the questions they ask, and be honest (you can admit you “don’t know” some answers). For example, tell a young child simply that “the spine got badly hurt so [loved one] can’t feel or move parts of their body,” whereas an older child could learn that the spine is like a bundle of wires and now it can’t send messages past the injury. Reinforce that the injury is not the child’s fault and that doctors and family members are helping as much as they can.
Encourage questions and answer them honestly but without unnecessary details. It often helps to use visual aids or children’s books.
Kennedy Krieger Institute notes that child-life specialists have created storybook-style guides for preschoolers and school-age kids that explain SCI with simple words, pictures and activities. (For instance, one booklet uses playful drawings to show how someone with an SCI might walk with help.) Reading an age-appropriate book about disability or watching a short video together can also make the situation feel more concrete.
Emphasize what will stay the same (the person is still their parent/sibling and still loves them) and what has changed (e.g. needing a wheelchair or other help). By giving honest facts in kid-friendly terms, parents can prevent children’s imaginations from running wild with worse scenarios.
AAP experts recommend the “3 R’s” of coping: Reassure, Return to routine, Regulate. For example: Remind your child they are safe and loved. Spend extra one-on-one time (hugs, reading together, playing) to show you care. Use soothing words and let them know it’s okay to feel scared or upset. Keep daily routines (meals, bedtime, school) as normal as possible to give a sense of stability.
Ask open-ended questions (“How are you feeling?”) and really listen to their answers. Let them express feelings through drawing, play, or talking. Stay calm when they act out – children often test boundaries when anxious.
Finally, help kids learn simple regulation techniques: teach deep breathing, count together, or identify where they feel an emotion in their body (e.g. “feel your heart beat fast when you’re scared”). These approaches help children manage worry or grief. If a child seems unusually withdrawn, fearful, or angry for an extended period, consider talking to a pediatric counselor or child-life specialist for extra support.
Offering reassurance and love goes a long way. Remind children often, “We are here for you and this is not your fault” – studies show kids cope better with the truth than with secret-keeping or misinformation. Use gentle routines (like reading the same bedtime story) to create “safe spaces” where the child feels in control.
Patience is key: young kids might ask the same questions over and over as they try to make sense of what happened. Praise them for sharing how they feel, and say things like “It’s OK to feel sad or scared.” By staying present, loving and consistent, parents become the “caring, accessible adult” that children need to build resilience.
Children often want to help or visit the injured loved one in the hospital, but this should be handled carefully. It can help a child feel connected if the family member is in ICU or rehab, but prepare the child first. Explain what the hospital room is like (machines, nurses) and what they will see – for example, “Mommy might have machines to help her breathe, and she’ll be lying in bed.” Let children know they can stop the visit anytime if it’s too scary or tiring. After the visit, talk about how it went and answer any new questions. If in-person visiting isn’t possible, video calls or sending drawings and letters are good alternatives to maintain connection.
When the person returns home, children may want to be involved in care. It’s okay to let them help with age-appropriate tasks, as long as it’s safe.
For example, younger kids might enjoy helping hand a book to Dad in the wheelchair or learning how to press the elevator button. Older kids and teens could learn basic skills like how to reposition cushions or assist with small transfers (under close supervision) so they feel useful.
However, clear boundaries are crucial: children should never be expected to perform personal or medical care (like bathing or feeding) beyond their comfort and ability. As one guide notes, kids can participate – such as “pushing a wheelchair” or “helping pack a bag” – to stay involved, but should not become substitute caregivers. Throughout, continue to reassure the child that they are not responsible for the injury or care burden. Balance involvement with protection so the child feels helpful but not overwhelmed.
Families do not have to go through this alone. In addition to support from friends and extended family, professional and peer resources can help:
Families should take care of themselves too. Parents who manage their own stress and remain open about feelings help the whole family heal. By using these resources – plus the Recovery Advocate and group map on SpinalCord.com – you can find guidance and community while helping your children adjust after a spinal cord injury.
SpinalCord.com is a dedicated resource for the SCI community, authored by a team of medical professionals, attorneys and SCI survivors. We provide current, reliable information tailored to families facing SCI. Our site brings together medically accurate content, personal stories and support tools – like Recovery Advocates and support-group locators – specifically designed to guide people through recovery and adjustment. Families trust SpinalCord.com because we combine expert knowledge with genuine empathy for the challenges of spinal cord injury.
Sources: We drew on guidance from pediatric and rehabilitation experts and organizations. For example, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends honesty and routine to help children cope, and the UK National Spinal Cord Injury Network offers age-tailored tips for talking to kids about SCI. We also reference resources (like child-friendly SCI booklets) from the Kennedy Krieger Institute. These and other trusted sources inform the advice above.
References
Your friends and family – South West Spinal Cord Injury Network - https://swspinalcordinjury.nhs.uk/patient-area/your-friends-and-family/
Resources from the Spinal Cord Injury Program - https://www.kennedykrieger.org/patient-care/centers-and-programs/international-center-for-spinal-cord-injury/news-resources/resources
Childhood Trauma: 3 Ways to Help Kids Cope - HealthyChildren.org - https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/emotional-wellness/Building-Resilience/Pages/Childhood-Trauma-3-Ways-to-Help-Kids-Cope.aspx