---
title: How to Explain Your Injury to a New Sexual Partner
description: Dating and then finding someone who becomes a life partner can be a wonderful life adventure. There is always a little bit of anxiety, however, the first time you are intimate with someone. Getting to know one another’s body is... unnerving, but when you have a spinal cord injury...
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---

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# How to Explain Your Injury to a New Sexual Partner

 Author: [Spinal Cord Team](https://www.spinalcord.com/meet-our-authors)

 Publish Date: December 07, 2020

Dating and then finding someone who becomes a life partner can be a wonderful life adventure. There is always a little bit of anxiety, however, the first time you are intimate with someone. Getting to know one another’s body is... unnerving, but when you have a [spinal cord injury](https://www.spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury), that unnerving becomes a whole lot of "OMG get me the heck out of here."

Many people with spinal cord injuries all-out avoid sexual encounters because of this anxiety.

> "Explain to my partner certain private bodily nuances related to my spinal cord injuries just in case they may need to know it while we're having sex? No thank you."
> 
> And that is that; they never think about having sex again.

For those of you who do want to have sex again after your injury, hopefully you know that the [spinal cord injury sex](https://www.spinalcord.com/blog/unexpected-tips-to-make-sci-sex-life-great) talk does need to happen out of respect for your partner. **Please continue on for in-the-bedroom advice that we hope you find helpful.**

## Men

As a man with a spinal cord injury, you are likely asked by people if your penis still works. This is something that the general public generally gets wrong about men with spinal cord injuries - they think it’s impossible for men with spinal cord injuries to[ get erections](https://www.spinalcord.com/blog/erectile-dysfunction-and-sci-your-best-options). **You'll definitely want to make it clear to your partner right away that this is not the case.**

But there's a lot more than just that. Many also want to know the details. "Can you ejaculate?" is another common question, and that is something you should clear the air with regarding any [sexual partner](https://www.spinalcord.com/blog/lets-talk-about-sex-continuing-romance-with-a-spinal-cord-injury). The best time to typically have this conversation is over a casual date early on in the relationship.

Whatever you need to get the erection you desire - medication, an injection, a penis pump - explain what is still possible, sexually, for you to your partner. You do not need to make it heavily medical. Just the overall idea is fine for most partners. And if you do make it too medical, it can sometimes ruin the moment.

## Women

If you are a woman with a spinal cord injury, many partners will want to know if you can still orgasm and enjoy sex. You should definitely make it clear to any potential partners what your particular situation is. If you get absolutely nothing out of vaginal intercourse but enjoy kissing and breast play, let them know as soon as heavy petting arrives.

However, if you still like to have genital intercourse, you should make it clear to your partner as well in the beginning of a [relationship ](https://www.spinalcord.com/blog/topic/family-relationships)that you still enjoy it, even if it is different. **Let them know that sex can still be enjoyable even with limited sensation.** And if your breasts are more sensitive, make sure to let them know as well. Communication is huge for everyone.

Also, don't forget to let them know that [you can still get pregnant](https://www.spinalcord.com/fertility-after-paralysis-spinal-cord-injury) even if you’re paralyzed. Many people incorrectly think we cannot have children. Make sure this is something that they are aware of so that birth control is used.

## All Genders

- Undressing: If you need help getting undressed before sex, let them know as well in the early stages. Most partners, of course, will not care, but it is good to make them aware. You can also make the dressing fun foreplay.
- Moving/positioning: Many people with spinal cord injuries need help getting into position, as well as transferring into bed. Make sure to let your partner know if you need help with this too.
- New pleasure points: Don't forget to show your new partner where your different pleasure points may be. Many people with spinal cord injuries enjoy more intimate play in areas that are a bit unique, such as the armpit or the neck.

However you say it, just let them know that they are in for a wild ride, and don’t forget to wink.

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**Topics:** Family & Relationships, Advice & Tips

### Stay Updated on Advancements On Traumatic Brain & Spinal Cord Injuries

About the Author

#### Spinal Cord Team

 The authors of Spinalcord.com are made up of attorneys, those in the medical field, and survivors of spinal cord injuries or traumatic brain injuries. Learn more about our team of authors including a brief biography that explains how they impact the SCI and TBI community. 

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### Spinal Cord Injury

- [Types of Spinal Cord Injuries](https://www.spinalcord.com/types-of-spinal-cord-injuries)
- [Secondary Complications](https://www.spinalcord.com/secondary-complications-after-sci-spinal-cord-injury)
- [Causes](https://www.spinalcord.com/signs-symptoms-of-spinal-cord-injuries)
- [Symptoms](https://www.spinalcord.com/types-of-spinal-cord-injuries)
- [Prognosis](https://www.spinalcord.com/prognosis-of-spinal-cord-injuries)
- [Legal Help](https://www.spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury-legal-help-get-a-lawyer)

### Brain Injury

- [Types of Brain Injuries](https://www.spinalcord.com/types-of-traumatic-brain-injury)
- [Causes](https://www.spinalcord.com/causes-of-traumatic-and-acquired-brain-injuries)
- [Symptoms](https://www.spinalcord.com/traumatic-brain-injury-tbi-symptoms)
- [Prognosis](https://www.spinalcord.com/brain-injury-prognosis-for-tbi-abi)
- [Legal Help](https://www.spinalcord.com/brain-injury-legal-help-get-a-lawyer)

### Finding Treatment

- [Physician Directory](https://www.spinalcord.com/brain-and-spinal-cord-injury-physician-directory)
- [Rehabilitation Directory](https://www.spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury-hospitals-rehabilitation-directory)
- [Technology Advancements](https://www.spinalcord.com/sci-technology-advancements)
- [Prevention](https://www.spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury-prevention)

### Legal Options

- [Spinal Cord Injury Lawyer](https://www.spinalcord.com/spinal-cord-injury-lawyer)
- [Brain Injury Lawyer](https://www.spinalcord.com/brain-injury-lawyer)
- [Types of Personal Injury Claims](https://www.spinalcord.com/types-of-personal-injury-claims)
- [Where To Start](https://www.spinalcord.com/brain-spinal-cord-injury-lawyer-where-to-start)
- [Local Assistance](https://www.spinalcord.com/florida-personal-injury-claims)

#### [About Us](https://www.spinalcord.com/about-us)

Spinal cord injuries are traumatic for patients and their families. They cause disruptive changes to every aspect of your life and there is a lot of new information to navigate and understand. Our experts have collected everything in one place to help you learn more about your injury, locate doctors and treatment centers, find financial support, and get assistance navigating your next move.

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```json
{
  "@context" : "http://schema.org",
  "@type" : "Article",
  "articleBody" : "The spinal cord is a vital part of the human body. As the vehicle responsible for carrying messages from the brain to the rest of the body and back again, even the smallest interference can be detrimental. Following a traumatic <A href=\"/spinal-cord-injury\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><SPAN style=\"font-weight: 400;\">spinal cord injury</SPAN></A>, this bundle of nerves can become bruised, also known as <A href=\"//www.spinalcord.com/blog/contusion-vs.-concussion-understanding-the-difference\">a contusion.</A> Because of the nature of the nervous system, any interference can constitute a serious spinal contusion, but these facts will help you dissect all of the information from the medical professionals.</P>\n\n<H2><STRONG>What Is a Spinal Contusion?</STRONG></H2>\n<IMG src=\"https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=300&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg\" alt=\"Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image\" width=\"300\" style=\"width: 300px; float: right; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px;\" srcset=\"https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=150&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 150w, https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=300&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 300w, https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=450&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 450w, https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=600&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 600w, https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=750&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 750w, https://www.spinalcord.com/hs-fs/hubfs/Blog-Images/Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg?width=900&amp;name=Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image-min.jpg 900w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\"/>\n<P>Much like any other bruise, a contusion can cause bleeding from local blood vessels and inflammation which, rather<I><SPAN style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> unlike</SPAN></I> bruises on other parts of the body, can have serious negative impacts on the spinal cord itself. Because the<A href=\"/blog/contusion-vs.-concussion-understanding-the-difference\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"> “blood must clot to stop the bleeding”</A>a bruise results from contusions also increase cardiovascular risks.</P>\n<P>For example, the swelling a contusion can cause will often disrupt nerve impulses that travel from the brain to the body through the spinal cord, and the severity of this will depend upon the level of injury. Unlike a concussion, a contusion would not cause unconsciousness or a ‘blackout’, but instead cause the patient to feel a numbness or tingling in the extremities.</P>\n<P>A contusion can cause spinal compression, which happens when there is pressure on the spinal cord. This can go on to cause an array of <A href=\"http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/healthlibrary/conditions/nervous_system_disorders/spinal_cord_compression_134,13/\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">physical symptoms</A> such as loss of sensation in the feet, inability to use the hands and loss of sexual ability. It must be noted that not all contusions cause spinal compression, and not all spinal compression is caused by a contusion, although they do often connect this way.</P>\n<H2><STRONG>Warning Signs of a Serious Spinal Contusion to Watch For</STRONG></H2>\n<P>Firstly, doctors will try and establish what area or limb the injury has affected. Spinal contusions most often “affect the upper extremities bilaterally and also sometimes involve the lower extremities,” <A href=\"http://www.healio.com/orthopedics/journals/ortho/2012-1-35-1/%7B7b1ed5f6-d6ca-435e-b69a-dba8a6d7c3c0%7D/spinal-cord-contusions\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">according to Dr. Wong</A>, an orthopedic physician.</P>\n<P>Symptoms include “numbness, tingling, [or] electric shock-like sensations and burning in the extremities,” <A href=\"http://www.aans.org/patient%20information/conditions%20and%20treatments/spinal%20cord%20injury.aspx\">(American Association of Neurological Surgeons, 2016)</A>. Generally falling into the category of “spinal trauma” there are many symptoms which are similar to other forms of spinal trauma and spinal cord injury. Below are some symptoms of spinal trauma:</P>\n<UL>\n<LI>Spinal shock — or the &quot;loss of feeling or movement below site of injury&quot; <A href=\"http://www.columbianeurosurgery.org/conditions/spinal-trauma/\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><I>(Columbia University Medical Centre, 2016) </I></A>that can last between hours and weeks</LI>\n<LI>Loss of bladder or bowel function</LI>\n<LI>Difficulty breathing</LI>\n<LI>Muscle spasticity</LI>\n<LI>Difficulty understanding speech</LI>\n<LI>Problems with attention</LI>\n<LI>Memory challenges</LI>\n<LI>Heart rate and blood pressure problems</LI>\n</UL>\n<P>Unfortunately, it is sometimes challenging to identify which symptoms are due to a spinal contusion, and which ones are the result of a spinal cord injury directly. It can sometimes require a few days or weeks for the body to recover from spinal trauma and reveal if any permanent damage is left from the accident that caused the SCI.</P>\n<P>Understanding what a contusion is, and how it can come into play following a spinal cord injury is important in order to clearly appreciate your injury, understand your diagnoses, and work toward treatment and a prognosis. Doctors can sometimes use jargon that’s difficult to understand, so the more you can educate yourself about your condition, the more control you can have in your recovery and treatment.</P>\n<P>If you still have questions about the details of the spinal cord and how it may be affected from your injury, please contact us or download our <A href=\"/the-simplified-guide-to-understanding-a-spinal-cord-injury\" rel=\"noopener\" target=\"_blank\">guide to understanding a spinal cord injury</A>.",
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"description":"The spinal cord is a vital part of the human body. As the vehicle responsible for carrying messages from the brain to the rest of the body and back again, even the smallest interference can be detrimental. Following a traumatic spinal cord injury, this bundle of nerves can become bruised, also known as a contusion. Because of the nature of the nervous system, any interference can constitute a serious spinal contusion, but these facts will help you dissect all of the information from the medical professionals.

What Is a Spinal Contusion?
Signs-of-a-spinal-contusion-title-image
Much like any other bruise, a contusion can cause bleeding from local blood vessels and inflammation which, rather unlike bruises on other parts of the body, can have serious negative impacts on the spinal cord itself. Because the “blood must clot to stop the bleeding”a bruise results from contusions also increase cardiovascular risks.

For example, the swelling a contusion can cause will often disrupt nerve impulses that travel from the brain to the body through the spinal cord, and the severity of this will depend upon the level of injury. Unlike a concussion, a contusion would not cause unconsciousness or a ‘blackout’, but instead cause the patient to feel a numbness or tingling in the extremities.

A contusion can cause spinal compression, which happens when there is pressure on the spinal cord. This can go on to cause an array of physical symptoms such as loss of sensation in the feet, inability to use the hands and loss of sexual ability. It must be noted that not all contusions cause spinal compression, and not all spinal compression is caused by a contusion, although they do often connect this way.

Warning Signs of a Serious Spinal Contusion to Watch For
Firstly, doctors will try and establish what area or limb the injury has affected. Spinal contusions most often “affect the upper extremities bilaterally and also sometimes involve the lower extremities,” according to Dr. Wong, an orthopedic physician.

Symptoms include “numbness, tingling, [or] electric shock-like sensations and burning in the extremities,” (American Association of Neurological Surgeons, 2016). Generally falling into the category of “spinal trauma” there are many symptoms which are similar to other forms of spinal trauma and spinal cord injury. Below are some symptoms of spinal trauma:

Spinal shock — or the loss of feeling or movement below site of injury (Columbia University Medical Centre, 2016) that can last between hours and weeks
Loss of bladder or bowel function
Difficulty breathing
Muscle spasticity
Difficulty understanding speech
Problems with attention
Memory challenges
Heart rate and blood pressure problems
Unfortunately, it is sometimes challenging to identify which symptoms are due to a spinal contusion, and which ones are the result of a spinal cord injury directly. It can sometimes require a few days or weeks for the body to recover from spinal trauma and reveal if any permanent damage is left from the accident that caused the SCI.

Understanding what a contusion is, and how it can come into play following a spinal cord injury is important in order to clearly appreciate your injury, understand your diagnoses, and work toward treatment and a prognosis. Doctors can sometimes use jargon that’s difficult to understand, so the more you can educate yourself about your condition, the more control you can have in your recovery and treatment.

If you still have questions about the details of the spinal cord and how it may be affected from your injury, please contact us or download our guide to understanding a spinal cord injury.",
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