Dating and then finding someone who becomes a life partner can be a wonderful life adventure. There is always a little bit of anxiety, however, the first time you are intimate with someone. Getting to know one another’s body is... unnerving, but when you have a spinal cord injury, that unnerving becomes a whole lot of "OMG get me the heck out of here."
Many people with spinal cord injuries all-out avoid sexual encounters because of this anxiety.
"Explain to my partner certain private bodily nuances related to my spinal cord injuries just in case they may need to know it while we're having sex? No thank you."
And that is that; they never think about having sex again.
For those of you who do want to have sex again after your injury, hopefully you know that the spinal cord injury sex talk does need to happen out of respect for your partner. Please continue on for in-the-bedroom advice that we hope you find helpful.
Men
As a man with a spinal cord injury, you are likely asked by people if your penis still works. This is something that the general public generally gets wrong about men with spinal cord injuries - they think it’s impossible for men with spinal cord injuries to get erections. You'll definitely want to make it clear to your partner right away that this is not the case.
But there's a lot more than just that. Many also want to know the details. "Can you ejaculate?" is another common question, and that is something you should clear the air with regarding any sexual partner. The best time to typically have this conversation is over a casual date early on in the relationship.
Whatever you need to get the erection you desire - medication, an injection, a penis pump - explain what is still possible, sexually, for you to your partner. You do not need to make it heavily medical. Just the overall idea is fine for most partners. And if you do make it too medical, it can sometimes ruin the moment.
Women
If you are a woman with a spinal cord injury, many partners will want to know if you can still orgasm and enjoy sex. You should definitely make it clear to any potential partners what your particular situation is. If you get absolutely nothing out of vaginal intercourse but enjoy kissing and breast play, let them know as soon as heavy petting arrives.
However, if you still like to have genital intercourse, you should make it clear to your partner as well in the beginning of a relationship that you still enjoy it, even if it is different. Let them know that sex can still be enjoyable even with limited sensation. And if your breasts are more sensitive, make sure to let them know as well. Communication is huge for everyone.
Also, don't forget to let them know that you can still get pregnant even if you’re paralyzed. Many people incorrectly think we cannot have children. Make sure this is something that they are aware of so that birth control is used.
All Genders
- Undressing: If you need help getting undressed before sex, let them know as well in the early stages. Most partners, of course, will not care, but it is good to make them aware. You can also make the dressing fun foreplay.
- Moving/positioning: Many people with spinal cord injuries need help getting into position, as well as transferring into bed. Make sure to let your partner know if you need help with this too.
- New pleasure points: Don't forget to show your new partner where your different pleasure points may be. Many people with spinal cord injuries enjoy more intimate play in areas that are a bit unique, such as the armpit or the neck.
However you say it, just let them know that they are in for a wild ride, and don’t forget to wink.
